My own mortality is something I’ve often thought about.
To paraphrase Steve Jobs, I do believe that death is life’s greatest agent of change. It forces us to look at ourselves in the limited time we have, and what we want to accomplish in that relatively short period. Without the impetus of the reality of death, even the most idealistic of us have to realise that we don’t have much time to leave a legacy.
I’ve often thought however that it’s a bit of an inevitability that I would most likely live a short life. I’ve often told people that I would prefer my candle burn bright for a brief period rather than dimly for an extended duration.
Not everybody would agree - many people will tell you that you can have it both ways. You can shine bright for a very long time. It’s not an either or situation.
I often respond by naming great people in history who tend to go off to the grave early, and most often because of their own self-destructive tendencies. It’s almost an innate thing, I rationalise, based on those examples, that the drive to be truly great comes at a tremendous cost. Alienation from others, addiction, happiness, or even an early death.
They usually respond by giving me examples of those who have been great and still lived full and happy lives. As many names I can give about greats who have lived short lives, there are just as many who live long and full.
Still, I wonder if I’m rationalising my own closeted desire to go out early by saying you need to be unhappy and die to achieve great things. The so-called “tortured artist” stereotype. Is it a real thing or something that I do that ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy? Is it just an excuse to retreat from the world?
take marlon brando for instance, who is probably one of the best actors of all time. or michael jackson for that matter. both of them retreated from society when they were at the top, and self-destructed. normally that is when you bask in the glory of what you’ve done and what’s to come, but in their cases, it was the opposite.
I don’t know if there is any lesson to be had here, and this is a bit of a rant (i’ve purposefully tried to shorten my blog posts because i love the craft of writing in brief), but i couldn’t help myself this time. This is just an introspection into the idea of mortality vis a vis achievement. the funny thing is, I wish I didn’t have these thoughts, because they are painful to have and often impede productivity. Or are they necessary to be able to put out great creative ideas and actually implement them?
Who knows. all i know is that i want to share these thoughts publicly, even if they are bleak. because hey, life is short ain’t it?